Desire
by randomlass
Summary: "By nature they were not human, the emotions that he experienced from day to day were;" Don confronts Raph about knowing his personal secret. Implied onesided RaphxOC and onesided DonApril.


**Hey all! Blame my Lit teacher for this one. She said something that made me HAVE to write this oneshot, so uh…here it goes.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own TMNT. Wish I did, but I don't; ain't life sad?

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"_It's human nature to desire something he himself cannot have"_-

A life lesson

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**Desire:**

_Impossible, it's impossible._

There were times that he had to be reminded that though, by nature they were not human, the emotions that he experienced from day to day _were_. Donatello always pointed it out to him behind closed doors, when their other two brothers weren't around; surrounded by the scent of motor oil and the metal clangs that often came when they were tuning up the shell-cycle together was an odd and familiar comfort that allowed him to enjoy his brother's presence, and he opened up his heart.

Don knew his darkest secrets, things that he kept hidden in his soul since they were kids. His first solo trip topside, his first kill, his first smoke, his first drink…pretty much everything, Don knew, and kept silent. Out of all his brothers, the soft-spoken techno geek was the one he considered his favorite brother and one of his closest friends…

And he had found out the last thing he wanted him to know.

"So, how long?"

He grunted at the question; they had just finished the tune up, and Don had finally piped up about _knowing_ about his secret.

Don never really pried for anything; the few times his quiet brother did the main concern was how something threatened their very existence.

He could feel the look Don was giving him: those dark chocolate eyes narrowing in thought as he continued to look away, cursing himself for not being careful enough, for allowing his brother to find out.

This was something that was meant to be _his_ and _his alone_. And he knew that he had to share because this was Donnie, and he had a way of getting him to open up.

"Three months," he muttered out, before he turned his gaze towards his brother. Amber eyes narrowed challenging, before he murmured, "What's it to ya? I ain't hurting nobody."

Don winced, before correcting with a finger wiggle, "Not hurting _anybody_, Raph."

"Whatevah," his eyes rolled, "it's not like ya haven't done it. Come on, Don, I ain't stupid."

And Don _knew_ he wasn't, he just thought Raph made terrible decisions.

"I didn't do it the way you're doing it," Don paused, hesitating before continuing, "after all…she's April and I'm. Over. Her. But…God, Raph, you don't even know her _name_!"

Don's voice softened as the last word was hissed out, and Raphael could only stare at him blankly, before retorting, crossing his arms over his chest plates, "So?"

Raph knew Don was lying, well, at least on being over the redhead; he could see it in his expression, trying to mask the pain with his worry, not realizing that it peaked through.

"Look, you're lucky it was me who found out about her," Don sighed, "if Leo was the one who saw you watching that girl, through her bedroom window by the way…" the bo wielding turtle licked his lips nervously, "you'd probably would be in deep waters by now, and Mikey…"

"Would blab," he shook his head, "Donnie, I just can't help it."

_She, a beautiful rose; I, a hideous weed._

Frustrated with the interruption, Don's expression glowered softly like cooling hot coals; moments passed, and his expression melted into the tired look he always seemed to wear, before he spoke.

"Help what? Look Raph, if you need help, I don't…"

"I don't want help; the last thing I'd do is stop."

It was silent then; Don stared at him, and Raph stared back. Don _knew_ how he felt; he had experienced this feeling with April. It _still_ killed him watching as Donnie's heart wilted, every time Casey flirted with April, and how she always _flirted back _after realizing how nice the bonehead could be at times, despite how annoying he actually was. All Raph could do was watch as that little hope that Don had of finding someone to love drift away.

Raph knew this was Don's most guarded secret; the techno turtle made himself look oblivious to hide that he really wanted it, but knew that it was something that he was _dreaming_ about with the high hope of them one day reaching it.

"Raph," Don broke his gaze with his brother, "are you sure you're willing to risk her life, just to feed your desire?"

The question shocked him, and he swallowed a lump in his throat.

"Nobody's seen me yet."

"That doesn't mean that someone won't," Don turned away, peering out of one of the windows of the warehouse, noticing that the sun had sunk into the horizon, and the skies were pitch black, "plus, you're feeding it."

Feeding it…

"What in the heck? Donnie, what the shell is that supposed ta mean?"

"Raph, eventually watching her won't be enough," Don paused, glancing at him through the corner of his eye, "you'll start trying to get closer and…"

"Don," shaking his head, a soft smirk crossed his lips, "it hasn't happened yet, I don' get why ya're worrying 'bout it now."

"Raph, it will…"

"I ain't saying it's not gonna happen," he paused, becoming flustered and angry, his hands clenched, "DAMNIT! Don, why are ya doing this? Don't ask me to give her up."

"I'm not asking you to give her up. I'm asking are you willing to risk everything just to watch something that you know you can't have."

Raph could only stare at his brother, finally reading the emotion that flashed red lights into his mind. Don wasn't trying to ask him to give her up. The last thing Don wanted was to see his brother unhappy; however, the raw concern that something could happen to his brother or the girl that he had become so infatuated with hurt the placid turtle's soul. He wanted to do nothing more then make sure nothing would jump the line of _their_ safety; _their a_s in his family (Raph mostly) and the young woman because a cruel and twisted world was out to destroy his family, she becoming an ignorant target, and they were in deep waters, drowning.

_I want to love her._

"Donnie," Raph's shoulders slumped, and he admitted, "I don't wanna put nobody in danger," he ignored Don's cringe, "But, shell…she's…everything I've ever wished for and…" He couldn't finish it; he didn't want to seem weak.

"Just watching her makes you happy," he blinked as Don finished, "even though the possibilities for her to see you in the way you desire her to are slim to none."

"Yeah…" a dry chuckle slipped out, a soft real smile appeared on his features, and he knew that Don was feeling it, knew that Donnie was one-hundred percent with him in that notion.

"Raph," Don fidgeted for a moment, his gaze returning to stare out the window, "as I said before, I'm not going to try to stop you, but if Leo…"

"I ain't gonna listen ta ol' fearless," Raph puffed his chest.

Don sighed, "Right."

"Donnie?"

Don looked towards Raph, blinking a few times, confused by the suddenly look of sincerity on his features. Raph grinned, stating, "There's plenty of fish in the sea, she doesn't have ta be April."

_But, she won't love me._

Shoulders slumped, and a flutter of a smile slipped out, "I know…"

That was when Raph hugged his brother. Physical contact of this sort was rare to be ignited by Raph, it was a Mikey thing. However, there were those few times, when they were smaller, where Raph would just hug one of his brothers just for the gentle contact or just to comfort them or be comforted.

Raph was just trying to cheer his brother up, and Don hugged back, grateful for the thought.

"Thanks, Raph."

In reply, the hug tightened to where it hurt for a moment, then loosened before Raph let go taking a step back. His usual demeanor returned.

Heartbeats later, Raph turned, glancing over his shoulder, "I'm headed out, Case an' I are goin' to bust some heads."

Then he disappeared, leaving Don standing there shaking his head. He paused. _"There's plenty of fish in the sea…"_

A slow smile crossed his lips.

_I wish it wasn't, but it's impossible.

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**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**There it is, the brotherly fluff involving girls in some way. Eh, it's probably not that great, but I like it anyways.**

**I dedicate this to my Junior Literature Teacher…just because she was the one who gave me this idea.**

**EDIT: Raph's dialogue has been changed, and a few typos have been fixed, along with the placement of a few missing words. **


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